Inside the Hair salon!

Inside the hair salon, one is reading a sports magazine and the other approaches him.
T: (Sits beside Chris with folded legs) Can I borrow that when you’re done?
C: (Looks at him up and down) who the hell are you? Can you not see the other fucking magazines?
T: (Chuckles) that’s ok, Love, I'll read another one.
C: (Looks around with a confusing face) who were you talkin' to? You betta not be talkin' to me. I dont deal with homo's. (Gets up...looks at hair dresser) Are you bitches ready yet?
T: (puts hand on Chris's shoulder) Take it easy man, Do not worry your turn will come. Everyone will have their turn. (Smiles)
C: Get your God Damn Hands off of me before I beat u to a pulp!
T: Listen I will give you two options right now ok you can either apologize to all these ladies, grab your coat and have a cup of coffee with me downstairs OR u and I will simply have to fight this out which I really do not mind. (Lookin up and down his C’s body) U know u do like kinda fit. (Smiles)
C: Listen to me I’ll tell u once more that I don’t like gay’s or anybody like u people so why don’t you just go and kill yourself, man! You god dam freaks! I HATE YOU! Shit. You’re all the same. Always pissin me off and I can only take so much, so just fuckin leave me alone fruitcake and get off my back about everything! (Sweating and pale looking around with disgust).
T: I am so sorry my friend if I have offended you but I believe that if you have had a bad childhood, you should now forget that and move forward and live your life to its greatest and fullest meaning! Your mother did nothing for u so why should u be the bearer of her pains?
C: Who the hell are u?? When did u turn Ms. Cleo and when did u meet my mother u dumb shit.
T: Stop fighting it!
C-No shittbag why would I want to talk to you! You know what - except if it was your mother so I could get a good taste. Now get the fuck out of my way, before I punch the livin’ crap outta your body.
T: Let’s see you try. You can’t hit a man with dreamy blue eyes like me.
C: Oh ya?
T: Now let’s go back and start all over again. I think you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
C: Nah, I woke up on your momma’s bed tis’ morning.
T:*chuckles* Your a little daredevil aren’t you, Johnny boy?
Chris’ hands slowly evolve into the punching position. As Chris moves to show Tye a thing or two, Tye grabs hold of the hairdresser and uses her as a shield. Chris who was in anger, did not realize and punched with all his might. Chris’ white fist punched the hairdresser’s jelly belly, She quickly fell on the floor, clinging tightly to her stomach.
C: Oh fuck!
T: What the hell do we do now?
As the two finally stopped screaming at each other, their eyes were glued with one another. The moment we all were waiting for.

Slangs part 2

It was a dark night. Rain poured like god was crying and I ran from my car door with my jacket over my head to the entrance of the “WHISTLER”. It was a karaoke club where middle aged men like me, want to feel appreciated by younger women and pretend that we weren’t going through a middle aged crisis. As, I walked in I saw many other fellows that I’d seen before; some with wives, some with daughters and some with even grandchildren. But, anyways we didn’t care all we needed was a little attention from a sexy waitress who would occasionally put on a fake smile so that we could tell our neighbor, “She’s got the hots for me!”
I was escorted to a one seater table and chair and I ordered a cold beer with a side order of bar-b-que wings and looked around to see if there was anyone new in the place. Actually, there were two new faces I had never seen before but they weren’t sitting together and looked rather angry at each other for some reason? It didn’t bother me until I saw something that I had never seen before in my entire life. It was so GUBU that vomit came into my mouth and splurged all over the table and on to by shirt. The waitress came running and asked me what happened and I just stared and pointed and she dropped what she was holding and it crashed to the ground causing everyone in the club to stare. It was a jungle of hair on a woman’s legs. How could it be? How can she be wearing such a dress and never have shaven her legs? Is it really a woman or a MAN! I was shocked. I tried to gather my belongings, but, I just heard this voice come from that direction and it said, “Hey you good-looking! Like you want a piece ah dis?” I prayed that she wasn’t talking to me, but, she was facing my direction and I was sitting by the wall.
After, a short pause I couldn’t have left the situation so I mustered up some bravery and shouted out, “Hey uh CHI CHI MAN, badman don’t deal wid these things! Badman gon beat you down and kick you bozooty out of dis bar!” I had never felt so courageous in my entire life. Until, she got up and was very angry. She was walking towards me like a military army of combat trained professionals. Strong, muscular and unbwogable like a wrestler, trying to walk like a woman but you could clearly see the distinction. I wanted to cry and run away but, she looked like she could run fast even in those monstrous heels. We were face to face but she only did me one thing. Smiled. Then she walked away and as she left an uproar of laughter came from across the room and she gave the entire club the “one finger peace sign” and left the club.

Slangs

Hey, buddy! What's goin on? Nun brejrin, I jus deh bout bubblin all round deh place.